A Mod-ern-est Proposal

BGM This is quickly bcoming a habit


It is a time of chaos in the land of Ukraine. The Crimean peninsula is once again the center of conflict. While Russia has decelared that they will be taking back the peninsula, the residents of Crimean had a state-wide vote on the issue. Suprisingly, 93% had voted in favor of being part of Russia.

Crimea has been a place of conflict several times in the past. The piece of land larger than the state of California was placed under the Imperial Russia for 200 years, until 1917, in which the Soviet Union was formed. Nevertheless, it was kept under Russian Soviet Federative Socialist Republic. Then, in 1954, Russia simlpy gave it to Ukraine. During this time period, such transfer of land masses in wholes were of not much importance. Afterall, both countries were still under USSR. This was the case; until the Union collapsed in 1991.

It was kept under Ukraine. There was an attempt of independence in 1992, but the Ukrainian government persuaded them to stay as a smaller republic under Ukrainian control. Still, the 93% of Ukrainian residents are demanding that they become a part of Russia. The US, along with the majority of the nations worldwide, however, has declared that they do not agree with the results. Meanwhile, military tension is growing, ready for war over who gets to keep the geographically important place.

I shall now give a modest proposal about this problem, which I am sure will nobody will object to.

I have been told by a profound American man* that this country owns 5113 nuclear weapons. Considering that a total of 70,000 pieces of nuclear weaponary was produced, that over 8 trillion dollars were wasted, and that US spent nearly 50 years building them, US certainly wasted time and space in what seems useless.

I do therefore humbly offer to the that man that the remaining 5113 nuclear weapons should be launched, detonated, or set off in such a manner that destroys the peninusla itself. This will eliminate Crimea itself. Furthermore, Russia and Ukraine will have on less reasons to fight for, and will be one step closer to becoming, once again, good international friends.

This is certainly not the only reason I suggest that the US use their weapons on Crimea. We, US, always loves to take part in the doings of other countries. This makes the United Nations virtually useless, but we can always waste another couple million dollars on sending military to other countries. What a peace-loving nation.

Furthermore, these nuclear weaponary need to be used up somehow. America wasted millions on getting rid of the already existing nuclear weaponary, and it certainly costs less to use them, instead of dissassemble them. The time and money spent during the Cold War must not go to waste.

Therefore, I repeat: America should launch nuclear weapons in to Crimea in order to project piece in eastern Europe.

*Obama in 2012